Hello Stern Family

One of the areas I am constantly feeling like a failure in is organization. I’m not bad at it… I know I’m good at it… but because I care so much, I end up feeling like I didn’t do enough at the end of the day. So… last week’s pinterest challenge was for me to get a weekly cleaning plan going as well as a meal plan.

Here is the housekeeping schedule I am following (although I changed around what days I do what according to what I thought was best for us). From HERE.

And here is the meal planning schedule. From HERE.

These two things have changed my life. I’m not even joking. I put so much pressure on myself to have a perfectly clean and picked up house every day while also making dinner and it was too much on me. The good thing about the housekeeping schedule is that I don’t pressure myself to clean our bedroom or scrub the kitchen until the scheduled day. I have one thing to do (plus pick up rooms, and do dishes) so I’m not feeling so overwhelmed. Although, there are just those days when you can’t get anything done and I’m learning to give myself grace for those days as well :) 
As for the meal planner, I am kicking myself for not having done this before! It makes life so much easier! At the beginning of the month, I plan all the dinners for the next 2 weeks. We have one date night scheduled in there as well as one leftover night. So, really it’s only 10 total dinners. I make them simple and with as many ingredients I can from what’s already in our pantry. The worksheet makes it really simple because the categories split up what I need from what section of the grocery store, making shopping a ton easier too. And then, when it’s time to make dinner… I just pick one of the meals, cross it off to know that we ate it, and have peace of mind knowing that all the ingredients are already in the house. No having to run out last minute because I’m missing something. Oh, the sanity in my brain!! Haha. 

So, I’d say this was quite a success too!! Excited to keep it up.

My pinterest inspiration

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Pinterest challenge #1 - Jewelry Holder

So I did it. #1 is done and I am really happy with it. I totally needed a jewelry holder… my necklaces were all getting tangled in my earrings. It was not a pretty sight. So, behold the solution! I got the frames from Goodwill for a dollar each… they were the cheap ugly brown ones. I painted them a dark gold and took out the glass. Then I stapled on some antique lace ribbon that I got a while back at an estate sale. I’m loving the whole vintage look of it. I hung it in my room on the wall… it’s really pretty so I didn’t mind it being out in the open. So, there ya go folks! More to come!

(This is the link to the original inspiration)

I’m challenging myself. This season for me has been all about learning about myself. It’s been tough, but so good too! God is totally redefining who I thought I was. I’m starting to understand who He’s always called me to be. It’s weird!

So, one of the big things I’m learning about myself is that I’m not a failure. Laugh all you want, but seriously I really think I am in most things. It’s so stupid and I know it is. I am so darn afraid to try anything new because I’m scared that I’ll fail. I go on this circle of wanting to do something, and then convincing myself that I shouldn’t because I’ll fail at it and it will just be a waste of time in the end. This spills over into so many areas of my life and I’m sick of it. It’s totally the enemy trying to stop me from being a confident woman who doesn’t give a crud whether I do really well on something or I completely bomb it. Who cares?! It’s time to just try new things and love it. 

So… the challenge to myself is this.

I absolutely LOVE pinterest. I am constantly “pinning” things that I come across online because in my mind I’m thinking “I am going to do that” and, of course, I talk myself out of it. 

I will be challenging myself to doing one pinterest idea every week. This is so that I can start being confident in my ability to start things, even if it ends up going in the trash and it looks absolutely awful. At least I tried. I’m tired of feeling like a failure.

I’ll track my progress on the blog so everyone can see what I’m up to. Not sure how long I’ll do it. Some times I may go every other week, depending on the price of the project or how difficult it is. I’m going to start out with simple ones first. 

We’ll see how I do! :)

I struggle writing this post. Thoughts go through my head like, “should people know THIS much about me?”, “Should I be THIS vulnerable?”, “What are people going to think?”. I was once told, by someone who barely even knew me, that I shouldn’t be vulnerable to other Christians if I’m a leader in any way. Basically, God has come to show me that that’s actually a VERY unhealthy way of thinking and that I should run from that advice as quickly as possible!

I write this blog post because I want people to know me. Not the Laura they see just on Sunday mornings. Not the Laura they see on Facebook. I think I’m worth knowing. The true me… the good, the bad and the ugly. We’re all human, right? We are all struggling. We are all dealing with hardships day by day. No one is above anyone.

I’ve gone through about 3 years of major searching. Searching of just plain me. Digging into God’s heart and trying to figure out who the heck I am! Identity is a hard thing to figure out. I never realized until just recently. I always thought the true meaning of understanding your identity was being super confident and knowing every little thing about yourself. I’m coming to see that that’s not necessarily the case. True identity is being so empty of yourself that you search for GOD’S identity over you. Being so empty that there’s so much room in yourself for God to fill in His exact definition of you. Right now in my life is one of those times that I feel the most empty… in a good and perfect way. Sometimes it feels weird and wrong because I’m not used to it. I have emotional break downs all the time trying to figure out what God is doing in me. And then, I realize, I am more myself now than I’ve ever been. I’m ok with admitting that there has been about a period of about a year that God has been really quiet in my life. He’s given me words that I need to just rest and put my sails up… just sail on the ocean of His love. There’s times when I feel guilty about that… but then He reminds me that He’s pursuing ME! I guess you could call it all of the religion getting smacked out of me. No more thinking I’m a bad person for not praying “X” amount of times a day or reading my Bible another “X” amount of times a day. He is loving me by showing me that His love is so much more simple than that. 

This search for identity has had me feeling more lost than I ever have before. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve cried out to the Lord asking Him, “Who am I, God?”. And sometimes He doesn’t respond. Well, at least not that I see with my eyes. Sometimes the quietness is what makes me really see who I am in Him. There’s other times that He will randomly send me $5000 diamond earrings in the mail or will meet me in worship in my car when I don’t expect it. When I feel like I’m not being faithful to Him, He turns it back on me and hugs me so hard that I actually can feel it. **As I write this, tears are streaming down my face**.

I know some of this might not make sense to anyone. Heck, if it doesn’t make sense to anyone but me, that’s ok. I just partly want to encourage people that if you feel like you’re going through a hard time with God, you may realize later that that was exactly the time that He pursued you the most and poured His love on you. It wasn’t that I didn’t want to feel close to God. I desired it so much. I had gone through so many hurts the past 3 years that I felt like I couldn’t open up to anyone or be myself. My confidence had taken a beating… over and over. I honestly didn’t have the energy to pursue God… and He knew that. He knew that better than me. He met me where I was and pursued me like a good father, a good friend, a good lover would. He didn’t let me go. I was always in His arms. 

I’m still going through all this. Although I feel like I’m coming to the end where I see the goodness… the just plain perfection of what I’ve gone through. God has a funny way of letting us see that. Although He didn’t plan those hurts in my heart, He sure did work them out for good in me. 

This is all to say (and here’s the vulnerable part)… I am still empty. Still hurting. Although the pain is gone, I’m having a hard time learning how to be ME. All of who I thought I was has been erased and God is loving filling me up with His definition of me. Every day is like a flood… even when I don’t ask for it. I feel the pouring of God’s river all over my heart. Not just filling me, but also cleansing the hurts. God has always described Himself to me as a river. Most prophetic words I receive and most times I read in the word, He confirms to me that He wants me to go to the river. At first, I didn’t know what it meant. One of the first times He started showing Himself this way was when Cai was a newborn and we had a worship mix playing in his room 24/7. I could count at least 100 times that God had me walk into his room and “find me in the river” by Delirious would START playing. I wouldn’t walk in in the middle. Nope, it started. And if you know the song, the first words are just that “find me in the river”. I knew God was telling me something. He is just that in my life… a river I can go to with life flowing in it. When I drink of it, I am filled. When I just sit there and do nothing, I am filled. As long as I’m there… everything is ok.

Who I am now is a different girl than who I was even 3 months ago. I still am asking the question, “who am I, God?”… and I’m just starting to see. I don’t need to have all the answers but slowly my confidence is coming back. Not worldly confidence, it’s a supernatural confidence. Not caring what others say about me… getting rid of the fear of man.

I think it’s good and healthy for people to be vulnerable with other people. It’s healthy for others to see our hearts…especially when God is doing a work in them. This past year has been tough for me in the friendship arena. I have great friends here who are top notch! I am just struggling with allowing myself to open up in that area. And you know what has been most freeing? God has been telling me that I don’t need friendships right now and don’t need to constantly be surrounded by people to make myself valuable. GASP! Did she just say that? Yes I did. I think women feel pressure a lot to feel like they constantly need meaningful friendships and always surrounded by other people to make themselves feel good. Some women just are good at it… and I envy them. But I need to learn how to be a friend, honestly. Just like if you were to have a limb amputated, you would need to learn how to live differently and do things differently. Or if you had a wound, it would need time to heal. If it was constantly being poked by something, it never would. I feel that way right now. I’m healing. I’m learning how to live with this new side of me that I don’t even understand yet. I know it’s not healthy to not have friends and separate yourself completely. That’s not what I’m saying. But it is ok to take some time and figure yourself out before you open your heart to friendships. So, here I am, learning to open myself up to God and then He will help me open up to others.

I think people think of me as this huge people person who loves to hang out in big groups. Honestly, I am not. That is hard for me. I am totally an introvert who loves time alone or time in small groups. At least now. So, God is teaching me to be OK with who I am… not feel bad that I’m not like most girls. The main thing I’m asking God for is just a good friend who is also a mom… in my stage of life. I would love to be able to relate with someone who can relate with me. So that’s where I’m headed next :) For now, God is filling me. I’m empty and it feels good to be filled. It feels good to not feel guilty for the things that He made me to be. Things that other people might not always understand. I’m learning to not apologize for myself. Gosh darn it, Laura, you are who you are!! Get used to it and love it!!

I challenge you to start being vulnerable to the people around you. I think vulnerability is the beginning of starting to see who people really are and loving them for it. Honoring them even when they say that they are broken and messed up in an area. 

I’m not perfect…and neither are you. So it’s time to just allow God to work in each of our hearts in different ways and learn to love each other through it.

((thanks for reading even though this was all just a bunch of rambling thoughts!))

Hey it’s Will…and this evening instead of surfing Hulu for mindless shows, I had the idea that we should capture new things we’ve fallen in love with so far this year…here goes!

Laura: White Cheddar Popcorn
My only true craving this pregnancy…besides non-alcoholic beer???

Will: A Divine Confrontation – by Graham Cooke
An incredible book about the purpose, structure and future of the church

Laura: My New Cupholder
Noa’s already being helpful

Will: Running Shoes
It had been almost 5 years since I’d worn tennis shoes till Laura got me these schnazzy Pumas for Christmas…I feel like my feet are being hugged all day long.

Laura: Comfy (yet stylish) New Mom Shoes
They’re tennis shoes without the bulk…and they have pink laces. J

Will: WebMD
As someone who loves ministry, I’m surprised how much I like working with a bunch of code nerds…there’s something about hearing the words “our architecture needs more modularity” spoken in the distance that bring a warm comfort.

Laura: Prenatal DVD
I never realized that your abs could be worked out and sore DURING pregnancy…also your pelvic floor…whatever that is.

Will: Non-Alcoholic Beer
I’ve substituted my 130 calorie soda for 50 calorie, caffeine-free non-alcoholic beer…never had beer before…thanks Laura for craving hops!

Laura: DIY Decorations
I finally figured out how to do a DIY project right without it looking like a kindergarten craft project!

Will: The Torch and the Sword – Rick Joyner
Some prophetic-dream books can sound more like Lord of the Rings meets Willy Wonka…but this one is amazing and an excellent read!

Both of Us: The Power Juicer
We started off 2012 with the best purchase EVER.  We’ve been juicing up a storm and feel great!  Will says those farts are the dog, but I’m not so certain.

I hate talking about politics on my blog. So that’s why I’m not going to. I’m going to talk about our country :) Politics sicken me. A bunch of power hungry people who only care to be “politically correct” and go back and forth on their values. YUCK!! This is our country we’re talking about here. 

This morning I’m just really bothered. I read that Obama signed the Defense Appropriations Bill and I literally feel sick to my stomach. The fact that most of America 1) doesn’t even realize that he signed this bill, and 2) doesn’t even know what the heck this bill says in it is REALLY bothersome. The American people should know exactly what is being signed into place and should feel like they have some say in what the decisions are. Honestly, when was the last time you felt like you had a part in the way that this country is going? Me? Probably never. I know we are termed a republic, but, I’m sorry folks… look at the facts. We are the furthest thing from it. The states make none of the decisions. We have this “high” leader on top who makes all decisions and spends all our money without us even knowing where it’s going. GRRRR!

I’ve gotten more passionate about all this stuff since I had a baby. I care more about the state of our country because I know that it is all about the future of my children. I know that the trillions of dollars that we have no idea where they are going is my child’s own money they will have to deal with. 

I write this blog because I really truly think America needs to wake up. Especially the Christians. I truly believe that all of this is going down because God is getting pushed out. In a vital time when we need God most, He is not welcome here. We have always been blessed by the Lord in this country, and I believe that the actions being taken are because people are choosing to do things on their own. And we all know how dangerous that is.

Obviously, a call to prayer is important. Prayer changes so much, I’ve seen it to mighty things even this past year in our country. I also believe that people need to wake up. Literally open their eyes to what’s going on and at least be aware of it. Our country is so focused on the celebrities and sports that most people don’t have the space to think about the future of this country. It’s a lot… and it takes a lot of energy. 

Most people, sadly, don’t even realize the bill that was just signed by our own president that will take away our liberties. This bill was written in secret and then signed, basically, in secret. I didn’t hear about it until just know AFTER the fact. This bill takes away the entire sixth amendment that guarantees a person the right to a trial. It basically places all domestic terror investigations in the hands of our military which would give them the ability to detain anyone indefinitely, without trial, if they are a suspected “terrorist.” It’s basically the movie the Minority Report placed in our own government. If you are “suspected” they will arrest you based on preventative measures. No more innocent until proven guilty. Does anyone else think this is WEIRD??!

Why would anyone in their right might put that kind of power in their own hands unless they plan on doing something wrong with it? 

I’m just asking everyone to be aware of this and to really pray for the state of our country. Pray for our president, that he is lead by good motives and values. That he meets Jesus. We have a duty for our country, our children, and ourselves! I don’t care if you’re democrat or republican… this is beyond that. We all really need to come together.

After doing dishes, I was on my way to take a nap because I haven’t been feeling well… and something hit me. God just HIT me with a wave of thoughts and emotions. Seriously, just suddenly. I was having conversation back and forth with him and, therefore, I am not taking a nap right now (obviously). I am sharing with you what God burned my heart with.

Actually, this has been burning in me for quite some time. Probably 4 years plus. I remember the specific night that it hit Will and I at the same time. We were at his parent’s house and everyone was watching a movie (all our friends) and we left in the middle of the movie. Just both of us decided… it’s time to go. It wasn’t a bad movie. Actually there wasn’t anything necessarily bad in it. But we both got this weird sense that we had to go. So we left and we talked for about an hour in the driveway before we drove out about what we were both feeling. We were praying and crying because it was such a pivotal moment in our relationship with each other and God. We were dating at the time so it was really cool to go through something like this together. We realized that God was calling us to stand out and stand up for purity. And, ever since, we have both been extremely passionate about it. Do you have that thing inside your bones that just BURNS and BURNS?? That is it for us. Sometimes people look at us like we’re crazy when we talk about it. We decided together to make sure we didn’t talk about it to people in a condemning way… just in a way that caused people to catch the same flame and burn with us. Yeah, I’ve had people mad at me about it. But, I’m to the point that I don’t care. God is doing a great thing in us and I am not giving that up.

It’s been a cool journey. First it was us deciding together that we would not watch any PG-13 or rated R movies. From our experiences, rated R movies NEVER serve any purpose to my heavenly purpose. They ALWAYS have something that my eyes don’t need to see. Plus, if the world rates it R… then I probably shouldn’t see that. PG-13, at the time, because we found that, although some PG-13 movies were clean, we always had to be on the lookout for a pop up scene that we had to turn our heads or shut our eyes. Especially with men… Will tries REALLY hard to surround himself with purity. I mean, this man is awesome. One of the reasons I married him actually. I’ve never known someone with such integrity. One time he got one of my Victoria Secret magazines in his mailbox right before we got married, and he immediately took it and wrapped duct tape around it and threw it away. Next time it came (after me calling 5 times for them to cancel), he burned it in his fireplace with his brother and it relit on fire while he was sleeping. Needless to say, everything in his house smelled like a campfire for the next month. When we go to the mall, I can always tell if there’s a VS coming up or if there’s a model in her underwear because immediately Will has his eyes to the floor. We have safe guards on our computer to protect our internet. Will’s going to hate me for writing this (sorry, babe!) but I think it is too sweet not to mention. About a week before we got married he apologized to me because he looked at my butt once and knew that it disrespected me. I mean COME ON!! So cool! So a lot of this passion comes from wanting to protect my husband and my kids because, let’s face it, there’s a lot of junk out there pushed right in our faces.

The next step we took was getting rid of watching TV. We only watch TV shows that are monitored and clean. We go online, to hulu or netflix, and pick what we want to watch. That way we are not surprised with an almost naked girl dancing around in her underwear on our TV screen. Who the heck is she? I didn’t invite her in my living room!!! Commercials stink!

Another step we took was only listening to worship music. This didn’t include just Christian songs. They HAD to be worship. I know not everyone is called to this but we were (and still are). It’s just another step to igniting that flame in us. This has given us such a great passion for a heart for worship. Maybe it’s because we are so in love with worshipping together and God wanted us to get our hearts right, I don’t know. All I know is that this is one of the biggest things that has propelled us into who we are called to be. We basically cleaned out our Itunes. We started out with about 10 CDs, that got old really quick… but we loved what they did in our hearts. We found ourselves being more sensitive to things, in a good way. Our home literally felt like it had angels in it… and we know it did. We can tell when we haven’t played worship in our home in a while. It’s like God is more welcome there or something. Will always says that it’s the rocks crying out… God created even CDs and stereos (made from God’s materials) so we feel the actual spirit on the music. It’s awesome!!

We are not, by any means, perfect. We watch movies sometimes that we end up kicking ourselves for because it just is not up to the standards that we know God wants us to have.

What God really wanted me to share on here today is this…

YES, God loves us NO MATTER WHAT. No matter our faults. No matter our past. No matter our chains that we still hold onto. If he didn’t, I personally would be in a lot of trouble. But he does! But hear this…
PLEASE don’t use that as an excuse to stay as you are. He put it in simple terms with me as I was washing dishes because our dishwasher is broken :)

If you had the mindset that your spouse would love you no matter what (because you know they will), would that cause you to just keep doing things that you know will hurt them? Heck no! Every married person I know tries to be a better person for their spouse because they LOVE them. Even if it takes 20 years… you’ll still try!

This is where, I think, God wants His church. To understand His full and devoted love to us. No matter the circumstances. But for US to do our part in the relationship. We need to constantly be aware of the things that hurt Him. Please don’t do yourself the dis-service of thinking that no matter what you do, it doesn’t matter in the long run. It does! We end up hurting God’s heart and, in turn, really hurting ourselves because we are naturally pulling ourselves away from God’s perfect presence. I always say this… it’s US not God. He is always there… it’s up to us to embrace the calling and the closeness.

I started thinking about all of this because something in particular made me… well, mad! I’m not ashamed to admit that I was actually ticked off at this. I know of SEVERAL people who saw a particular movie. Let me note first, I love these people and have no judgement. I heard that this movie had a really gross and graphic lesbian scene in it. Like might as well be pornographic. And then I heard that several people that I know and love saw this movie anyway. And I got fired up. Not at the people… just mad that those images are forever burned in their minds. I always picture my mom saying “whatever you watch, you can’t unsee”… and BOY have I learned that. I have learned that God gets rid of memories and pictures in your mind if you ask Him to. But I do believe it takes dedication in also getting rid of those things. It’s like debt… how do you expect to ever get out of debt if you keep spending money you don’t have? How do you expect to be pure and have a pure heart for the Lord if you are constantly engaged with evil things?

Yes, we are called to purity. It’s not religion, it’s just who we are. We are called to be like Christ. This isn’t about “works” or having God love you better. NOT possible! This is about understanding and caring about the relationship you have with Him. You don’t serve your spouse just so you can expect a pat on the back later. You do it to love them and to be closer to them. God desires the same for us.

Because I’ve been out of all this junk for 4+ years, I am more sensitive to it than ever before. That’s why it makes me angry. I see the evil spirit in it, and it disgusts me. God’s people are called to be separated from these things. You don’t separate yourself from loving people, but you definitely don’t engage yourself in what they’re doing and use it as entertainment. That is a babylonian way of thinking that I don’t want any part of.

We are called to be the bride of Christ. How can you expect to be married to Him if you’re not even engaged to Him? Engagement takes commitment… not just “ok I’m ready” mentality. It’s more than that. You know without a doubt that this is the person for you. If we KNOW that Christ is our bride-groom, why are we running around like we are not even taken? He is ours, and we are His. We are called to a greater calling. YES, people will think we are weird. The more I separate myself, the more I notice that people hate me for it. God warns us of that in His word. But I know all it is is a spiritual battle that I’m fighting and satan hates what we’re doing.

When Jesus comes back for His bride, I want to know that I’m ready. I want to walk up to Him and not be ashamed. I want Him to know that I tried as hard as I could to join with what He was doing and feeling.

2 Sam 22:27 - to the pure, You show Yourself pure. And with the perverted, You show Yourself astute (or hostile).

There it is, right there in scripture. And it’s been true in my life. The more I pull away from the things that pervert my life and my relationship with God, the more I see who God truly is.

Psalm 119:9 - how can a young person stay pure? By obeying Your word. 

Just look up the word purity in your Bible and it’s encouraging to know how we are all created to be. Pure and Holy. Not lacking anything. 

I don’t want to just give up on my marriage with Jesus and think that I’ve already arrived. It’s time for God’s people to stop compromising and to really pull themselves away from the things that separate them from God’s presence!!

By the way, before we see a movie… we check it out on www.pluggedin.com. It is a focus on the family website that goes through details of what is in each movie. That way you’re not surprised.

We also use www.x3watch.com on our computer to keep it save. Totally recommend this. Plus, it’s free!!